Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
