would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
