i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
