I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
