In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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