I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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