Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
