I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
