"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
