My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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