I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you inspire me to be a worse person
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
