Ambien. No doubt about it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The power of my boobs compel you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
