Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
