I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
