I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just high enough for therapy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
