I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
