so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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