Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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