Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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