well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
