my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
