hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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