If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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