I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
