This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
