I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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