I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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