so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
