I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
