Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
