it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize