Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize