you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
