he wants to bone in the snuggie
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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