He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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