Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
