She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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