Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
