I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
