420 ftw
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
