Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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