i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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