i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
