i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
