Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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