i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
