Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
