I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
