The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize