What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
