i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
