Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
