Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
