I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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