My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
