My first STD was from a foam party
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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