His pubic hair was longer than his dick
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
