i just wanna soil my oats bro
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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