In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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