Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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