I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
