i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I checked into jail on foursquare
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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