barbara walters just said penis...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
